Howdy From Houston Ya’ll!

So today would make day five on my incredible Wild West adventure. While on the plane on the way over here I was hell bent on bringing the Miami party spirit out here to Texas…boy does this state make me look like a total amateur! From the second I exited off the plane I was greeted with copious amounts of “Houston Hurricane’s” (A Houston Hurricane is a rum based frozen beverage with 3 different types of rum and thats not counting the additional floater added onto my cocktails.) and oysters prepared every which way you could dream of. The food and booze in Texas is major, and I mean come on who doesn’t love a perfect meal with even better cocktails!

Nothing could really prepare me for Downtown Houston that is for sure. Now you would think a chick from Miami would teach these guys a thing or two about partying…I couldn’t have been more wrong. My best friend’s fiancee is born and raised in Texas so he knows all of the cool spots to hit, so he was our tour guide for the evening. We started out our adventure at a super cool hipster bar called Poison Girl in the Houston Art District, in a city called Montrose. Montrose is known for all of its boutique style stores, specialty cuisine, and artisan craft beer bars.

The moment I walked into Poison Girl I felt a double Jack Daniels and diet calling my name ever so seductively. So trusting my instinct I got my cocktail and we eased ourselves outside to enjoy our drinks and cigarettes. Now everyone know’s how much I appreciate a heavy poured drink, but damn EVERY drink in Texas is poured heavy. I was basically in debauchery heaven. After we all finished our drinks we started heading out of the bar, but one of our friends stopped me as I was walking out. He shoved a tumbler (Apparently in Texas they only serve shots in tumblers) into my hand filled with a brown liquid. Without asking what is was I poured it right down my throat…Jameson my friends, I took a five ounce shot of Jameson. If that wasn’t my cue to begin raging I really dont know what was.

Right after Poison Girl we started out on foot to The Hay Merchant. The Hay Merchant is a super chic craft beer bar that only offers local brews from Texas. I was feeling celebratory so I got my friends and I a round of some delicious brews. Since The Hay Merchant was super packed we decided to chug our beers as fast as possible and see what else downtown had to offer us.

El Carafe was the next stop. El Carafe is the oldest bar in all of Texas, they only accept cash and they obtain a strong belief in good old Texas whiskey. Here we met up with even more people to add to our party squad. Here we had endless shots and awesome conversation looking out on the second story of El Carafe gazing at the luminescent Houston Skyline. But at one point we had enough gazing and it was time to party…HARDER.

Now everyone had a healthy stumble and slur ratio going on as we headed to an awesome lounge called Pastry Wars. Now this is when things start getting fuzzy, hazy, and delightfully faded. From what I was told I had an awesome time at Pastry Wars, but at one point my best friend’s fiancee (who was our DD) walked me to the car and made sure I could take a quick nap.

This nap turned into me remembering nothing about the last two stops of the night and waking up naked in a sea of spicy Cheetos on my best friends couch. I woke up missing my license, $100, and all my clothes. For me kids this is a banner night, these are the nights I live for. I am proud to say we ended up finding my money and license the following day, my clothes on the other hand… Not only is everything bigger in Texas, but I must say it’s better. One person is nicer than the next and the good times never stop rolling! If anyone is looking for a fun metropolitan place to visit I would absolutely have to suggest Houston, Texas. Well I am still here enjoying my time, let us all hope I don’t get into any more trouble 😉


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