“I Do” Ain’t The End

Hump Day is upon us so lets get down with some matrimony chat. This past weekend my best friend decided to take the plunge (a plunge that I have feared my entire life) into the depths of marriage. I had the great pleasure of being her maid of honor. I have never been any type of brides maid before but I must say, I think I totally killed it. With all of that aside I want to get into a very serious and scary epiphany that I experienced as my best friend glided down the aisle on her special day.

For a very long time (26 years to be exact) I just never had any belief in the concept of marriage. It’s always been strange for someone like me to have this negative connotation on marriage. Due to the fact that my parents literally have a fairytale romance. I am just someone who is extremely comfortable alone. Being alone is a much more comforting concept to me than being involved in a partnership. If I am alone I can’t hurt, I can’t be let down, none of my deepest darkest secrets can be spilled, and I can always know that I am the only person harboring exactly who I am.

My non belief in marriage has never ever been a secret. My past with men has been so devastating and painful that no one has ever held my little faith in marriage against me. It just has always been one of those understood things about me. But…I think something within my heart (which I had no idea still existed) has changed, and it has one hundred percent terrified me.

As I watched my BFF walk down the aisle I glanced to my left at her fiancee watching her. He looked at her like she was the only thing in the universe. His eyes spoke an entire story and I just watched it dazzle across his face. Within that single moment he looked at her as if she was a flame dancing in a snow storm, a true physical anomaly of wonder, beauty, and hope. A warmth and love he waited his whole life for, that is what is face told me. And in that single moment something within myself cracked, snapped, and shattered.

A belief that I held so strongly for entirely too long melted away as this mystical flame danced in the snowstorm. Maybe if I’m not alone someone can protect me from hurt. Maybe if I’m not alone someone will shield me from others who could let me down. Maybe if I’m not alone I won’t have to single handedly harbor dark secrets that chip away at who I am every day. Maybe if I’m not alone who I am as a person can just grow and get better than who I am right now. I am now a believer of marriage because my best friend without ever knowing it gave me this new found faith.

We all deserve to be happy and not wander through this existence with just ourselves. Being open to a new concept is scary but, as we all know I really excel at scary. I hope and dream now that one day a man can look at me as the same dancing flame through a snowstorm. Being open to new ideas is important and without this weekends beautiful experience I don’t think my eyes could ever be opened up so wide. So thank you to the new happy couple for teaching me that this life alone is only spent better with someone who knows just how magical you really are. I can now say I am a true believer in not only love but marriage, because lets face it “I Do”, ain’t the end it’s just the beginning.

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