Beards, beards, and beards; some girls might be into a guys smile, his hands, or maybe his muscles…not me. I like to pride myself on liking guys for their sense of humor, cunning wit, and intellect. But like all other girl’s there is one physical attribute in men that makes me weak in the knees, and that my friends is a beard. Nothing says “I’m a man” more than having thick, bountiful, and luxurious facial hair. Today I would like to share some insights in what a mans beard tells me about him before he even opens his mouth to talk to me. Yes this is very superficial and I like to stay away from superficial, but what can I say beards just do it for me!
The Beard Breakdown
- The more manicured the beard the more high maintenance he is. If a guys beard is perfectly shaved and oiled that means his grooming regiment is long and arduous. As a lady who has dated many a bearded fellow I know exactly how much time and dedication beard maintenance takes. So the more manicured the man is the more time he takes to get ready. I would personally take a Seth Rogen beard over a well cropped and manicured Adam Levine beard any day.
- Get a Whiff of the face. Since I am from Miami it is customary to kiss on the cheek as an initial greeting. I always like to use that opportunity as a “sniff test” if you will. You all might think this is creepy, but let’s face it sometimes (if not most of the time) I’m a creep. So while this sniff test is going down if you pick up a floral clean scent, this is a good sign. This means he shampoos and condition his beard, thumbs up for good hygiene! If you go in for the cheek kiss and you get a whiff of pizza…well then you can make your own judgement call on that one. I love pizza to death but I’m not so keen on making out with it.
- Patches aren’t just for clothing with holes! Patchy beard growth is not something you can hold against a man. Guy’s can’t control their beard growth patterns, so with that being said if a guy has a few bald spots up in there give him a pass on it. At least the bulk of the beard is there and thats what matters. Plus Jude Law has a patchy beard and he’s a stone cold fox regardless.
- If it touches his chest, he means business. One of my personal favorite beards is the full chest touching type of beard. If the beard can touch his chest it means he is dedicated to the growth of it. Usually these types of beard take a long time to grow, a lot of time to maintain, and constant combing. These beards are frequently paired with a small mustache, so ladies if you don’t mind a little tickle (I just read what I wrote out loud and grossed myself out) this is the type of bearded man for you.
- The more straggly the beard, the better he is with his hands. The long straggly beard is my absolute favorite. These guys usually don’t care so much for the style of the beard but the purpose of having one. The long and straggly is for your outdoorsy guy. A guy who grows this type of beard is concerned with warmth and slowing down the weathering process on his face. Most men I have met that have the long and straggly are also really good with their hands, from building you a fire outside and maybe also building fires elsewhere 😉 . Leonardo DiCaprio circa The Revenant has the perfect long and straggly (but let’s keep it real everything about him is perfect)if you need a visual of perfection.
- Cropped close and clean. The cropped and clean beard is exactly what it sounds like. The hair is just peppered around the face and shaved down to almost a shadow with perfect angels and lines. This type of guy likes to keep it cool and is usually using the beard for more of a stylish expression. The cropped close tells a girl that their barber handles their facial hair grooming, as opposed to a guy doing it himself. This style can vary from a very well kept five o’ clock shadow to a nice chin strap. Bradley Cooper and Brad Pitt are the best wearers of the cropped close beard in my opinion.
Maybe this breakdown will help you ladies figure out what kind of bearded babe you want to get a little closer too!